Obituary of Marion Bowsfield

BOWSFIELD: Marion Anne Bowsfield of Lloydminster passed away on Thursday, July 27, 2006 at the age of 71 years. She was born on July 12, 1935 in Sheet Harbour, Nova Scotia. Marion is survived by three daughters: Susan Bowsfield, Tara and Travis Portz and Carol and Warren Bowsfield -Verkerk; five granddaughters and one grandson; five sisters: Joan, Deana, Sadie, Sandra and Fern; four brothers: Jimmy, Harry, Ronnie and Randy. Marion was predeceased by her husband, Blaire; mother, Mabel; father, James; and a brother, Allan. The Memorial Service was conducted from The Grace United Church, Lloydminster on Tuesday, August 1, 2006 at 10:30 A.M. with Reverend Harold Martin officiating. The eulogy was given by Susan Bowsfield and a Tribute by Tara Bowsfield Portz. Shelley Johnson sang “His Eye is on the Sparrow.” The other hymns were: Softly and Tenderly, In the Garden, Abide With Me and the recessional was “What a Wonderful World.” The pianist was Marj Kilback. The Honorary Pallbearers were “All Marion’s brothers and sisters.” Interment followed in The Streamstown Cemetery. McCaw Funeral Service Ltd. of Lloydminster, Alberta administered the funeral arrangements. Marion Anne Bowsfield July 12, 1935 – July 27, 2006 An elegant, classy, and influential woman lived these lines: “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today a gift; that’s why we call it the present.” This excerpt from Eleanor Roosevelt’s poem “Footprints in Your Heart” hung on Mom’s fridge in the kitchen for years. Given to her by her sister, Joan, it is the inspiration for this eulogy. In honor of mom I want to talk about her history, her gifts and our future. Yesterday is history Marion’s history is not one of funny incidents and anecdotes that we could share around the coffee table, but rather it reflects her values and philosophies about family life and love. Marion Anne (Lively) Bowsfield was born July 12th, 1935 in Sheet Harbour, Nova Scotia. She was the eldest of eleven children born to Mabel and James (Jim) Lively. Their beginnings were humble and lean. Mom always said, ‘We were dirt poor, but we didn’t know it.’ From Marion’s early days she was a caregiver to all. Her very nature demanded that she help others and share what she had. One of Mom’s fondest memories was of family picnics at Taylor’s Head Beach. So powerful was this memory that when ‘we’ as a family traveled to Nova Scotia in 1978, she recreated the same experience of standing on the ‘rock’ and picnicking with her three girls. Mom was driven by family obligations, traditions and, most importantly, love and this is what guided all her decisions. Mom figured life without ten siblings would have been less fun, less active and less interesting. Grandma Mabel and Grandpa Jim taught their children that you needed to create your world and that included making your own way, paying your own bills, and making your own entertainment. An individual was always responsible for the quality of his or her life. These are the values and beliefs Mom passed on to anyone smart enough to listen. If you don’t sweat the small stuff, and take care of the important things, you can live with integrity and happiness. That said, my mother was infamous for worrying too much and trying to please everybody. She never spoke in haste and always took time and pains to consider what she wanted to say. Mom was not overly expressive and often kept her feelings to herself but she would tell you things you may not want to hear always in a gentle and loving way and ‘always for your own good’. She was slow to make decisions because she considered every option, every person and everything that may go wrong first. Mom loved work and believed in hard work. Her first job in a drug store continued the path of her caregiving. Graduating from high school in 1954, she went on to train as a registered nurse in Dartmouth, Nova Scotia at a psychiatric hospital that paid nurses in training. This choice allowed her to receive a secondary education. In 1957, she graduated from the Nova Scotia Hosptial and began her career as a registered nurse. During Mom’s twenties, before marrying, she nursed in many locations. She started in Nova Scotia and then traveled out to Lloydminster. Mom followed her parents out west in 1959. As a working nurse, she contributed back to her family by arranging and paying for her youngest three siblings’ dental work, setting money aside for Allan’s and Sandra’s health care after their accident, and buying a large kitchen table and chairs set for her mom and dad to hold the regular Friday night dinners. She even made Aunties Fern and Sadie eat raisins and drink water to increase their iron levels and combat their recurring boils. To this day, Fern hates raisins. Beyond her help in providing health care and advice, Mom’s younger siblings remember her as a ‘glamorous movie star’ type that returned home with beautiful party dresses and simple little presents. Mom returned to Nova Scotia where she taught psychiatric nursing. She hated teaching and said she had never sweat so much in her life. She was always amazed to have two daughters who loved teaching. Returning to the west she nursed in Ponoka, and Kelowna. When she returned to the Lloydminster area, she was a Public Health nurse for the Vermilion River Area. During Mom’s first trip out west in 1959, at the age of 24, she met Blaire Bowsfield. Their first date was a party at Sandy Beach with a gang of girls from the nursing residence. In true ‘Marion’ fashion, she took her time making a decision and they were not married for seven more years and actually spent several years apart. When Dad finally proposed, Mom hesitated because she felt she had a family obligation to take care of her sister, Sandra, and her brother, Allan, after their accident in 1963. Dad’s response was, ‘Can’t two do it better than one?’ On February 19, 1966, Marion and Blaire married here in the Grace United Church and settled in Lloydminster for a lifetime, where routines and traditions developed. In September of 1968 I arrived, Tara followed in December 1969, and Carol in March of ‘73. Many of the traditions involved Mom’s large family and the Streamstown ‘Pool Room’. For those of you not familiar with Grandma and Grandpa Lively’s house, they lived in a cement building that at one time was the local pool hall and ‘Pool Room’ was literally raised out of the cement. Grandma’s home became our home on many a Friday night. With no running water, a two-seater outhouse and a single seat indoor water closet, families gathered for meals that could feed 5 or 25. Laughter and conversation could overwhelm even the best talker, and there was maybe even a little friendly poker. Midnight came quickly and sleeping children always needed to be carried to the car. A large family needs glue to remain close and Grandma Lively was that glue. After Grandma’s passing, Mom took over the role of matriarch. To this day, the large family is still very close because a great new tradition developed to bind the family together. The creation of an annual sisters’ weekend, which now includes any female family member whether by marriage or blood and consisting of three generations, has maintained the family intimacy. Not many families can say that they come together every year to share each other’s lives, losses and triumphs. The tradition of the sister’s weekend has carried on for over twenty years and it was a weekend Mom loved and looked forward to each year. In this way, the history of yesterday will continue the mystery tomorrow. Mom had her dream job and she considered herself very lucky to love her work. She began nursing at the Dr. Cooke nursing home, in the late 60’s, where she enjoyed a thirty-year career. She was an excellent geriatric nurse who believed professionalism started with respect and compassion. Known for respecting her patients’ dignity, she treated all patients with kindness. In her quiet way, she asked the same of others. She was not above taking someone aside and encouraging them to treat patients and coworkers with the same respect they would desire for themselves. Mom’s personal policy to never gossip about others would often leave her with nothing to say, but many of Mom’s friends have commented that they never heard her speak ill of anyone. She was also capable of subtly changing a conversation that was negative by identifying a person’s strengths. She preached tolerance of others’ ideas and choice, another of her many values to pass on. Mom was not the social butterfly Dad was, but she enjoyed many activities in Lloydminster. Her favorite activity was reading and that reflected her quiet nature. Her monthly bridge club lasted for thirty-five years and represented a participant age span of forty years. The longstanding members, like Aunty Bev and Aunty Ruth, remained friends throughout the years. She attended Kinettes for many years. She liked mixed curling, but eventually needed to give it up because of her hip. She loved to dance with Dad, but was never selfish with her turns around the floor. She devoted extensive time to us girls and our activities. Many a midnight was used to sew dance costumes and the final touch of sequins never started before 1:00 am. In later years, she lunched often with Lorraine and always enjoyed their time shopping. Helen and Mom teased each other about their CNN addictions. She took up swimming after her hip surgery, but I am not sure if it was about fitness. I think it was more about the company. Mom loved her grandchildren. She even learned to play a little, loved to shop for them and, of course, loved to pass on advice about raising them. Our deepest regret in following in Mom’s footsteps and having children later in life, is that Kathleen, Jesse, Sage, Blaire, Kali and Samuel will never know Nana as we wanted them to know her, but solace exists in knowing that so very much of ‘Nana’ is in us and, as she did for us, we will pass ourselves and her onto them. We hope to make Mom proud with both our histories and futures. Tomorrow a mystery… Just a day before Mom passed away, I came across the original of a letter Mom sent to each of us girls in February of 1994. This letter captures her philosophy of life in her own voice better than I ever could…. Now if you remember… I said original letter. That is because Mom sent us all photocopies of the letter about our individuality. To this day Tara, Carol and I chuckle over the irony that even in recognizing our uniqueness, she still needed to be fair. You cannot change a person’s true nature. Tomorrow is a mystery, but it is guided by our history. The sentiments our Mom shared with us in this letter are the guides and signposts for our futures. Each of our individual relationships with Mom, and your individual relationships with a sister, a nana, an aunt, a friend and a coworker, will continue to influence all of us. Absence can be as profound as presence and her words, deeds and beliefs will continue to influence all of us. She will travel with us into the mystery of the future. Today a gift, Today all those here to honor and remember Marion are granted the gifts of her wisdom, values and advice. Her gifts to all of us are found in these gentle reminders wear lipstick, never take your health for granted, be tolerant of others, learn your values and live by them, seek to learn and explore always, never take each other for granted, make your life everything you want it to be and live a good life. Her final gift to us is this gathering of family and friends. There was nothing more important to Mom than family and friends and it is fitting that we celebrate her by being here together. Mom was a lady. Though the memories you have of her may be different, the traits they reveal are probably the same. I would like to share some thoughts with you, today. Our mother was soft spoken, loving, organized, fierce in loyalty, devoted to family, quietly set firmly in her own spirituality and, most of all, she did everything with grace and style. That being said, she did make us all matching red and white-checkered bikinis in scratchy 70’s polyester. We loved them then, we disparage them now. The one physical characteristic that reminds me the most of Mom was her hands. She had beautiful hands, with long graceful fingers, ending in elegantly rounded nails. They weren’t always polished, but they were always immaculate. I think of her hands often, mostly because it leads me on to the warmth of my mother’s being. She quietly enveloped us in her love, with actions that spoke volumes. She was always careful to make a private moment before one of life’s major events. Those private moments always revealed her feelings and thoughts. Graduation – it was love, pride and responsibility to take on your own life. A very scary prospect, but her way made it seem both possible and exciting. In marriage she took time to reveal to me the virtues she saw in my husband to be, and the obligations of joining two families and to take care to balance things as best I could. Don’t forget to make things fun. With children it was in labor that she gave me strength in her presence, driving all the way from Lloyd to Piapot and coming to Medicine Hat Hospital with my in-laws, Leigh & Cassey. She knew there would be many big changes then, but assured me that it would all be worth it with love, tolerance, and respect. Mom made all events loving and special in some way, word or deed it did not matter and sometimes it was more like background. Now I look back and see it all in my mind’s eye. I still struggle to live up to her wishes. Live, love, laugh, honor your family and your obligations and make your own happiness, no one else can do it for you. Luckily, she also taught perseverance. Mom was also very organized. She nursed at the Dr. Cooke for as long as I can remember. She worked shifts of days, evenings, and nights, interchangeably, but no matter what, like all moms, she arrived to pick us up or drop us off in time for gymnastics, tap, choir, basketball and more. Breakfast was always laid out whether she was home or not. A bowl of cereal, ½ a grapefruit, and a glass for whatever you wanted to drink was waiting for us each morning on the breakfast bar. Of course we would reach over the bar, down to the counter below, and into the cubbyhole to get the sugar bowl, because there were certainly no Frosted Flakes or Fruit Loops in our house. The laundry was always done and the house was always very tidy, (with a little help from Pauline). I don’t know how Mom kept it all together, but she seemed to effortlessly. Family was Mom’s biggest priority and at the end, her biggest support. The love and devotion of her sisters and brothers and their spouses has always been a big part of Mom’s happiness and the framework of our world. We have always existed in a cocoon of extended love. Today, I honor my family, to honor my mom. To Aunty Joan for her generous gift of time and, within that gift, the kindness of her children, making the long drive numerous times from Ft. McMurray, to either pick Joan up from caring for Mom or to bring her back. Aunty Joan has a great sense of humor and she tells it like it is – no fluff. To Aunty Sadie for caring for Mom so well with Aunty Joan, and for organizing us and reminding us of the important things when we needed it. To Aunty Deana for leaving Maggie with friends and moving in whenever you were needed; not to mention, we love yours and Carla’s baking. Aunty Sandra and Aunty Judy would phone just about every day and cheerfully engage one of us in happy conversation for a while just to brighten our day before checking in on Mom. Thank-you. Sloan’s check-ins through many family members kept updates flowing. To Jimmy & Judy, Harry & Linda, Ronnie & Bonnie, Randy & Denise, and Brooke & Dennis all made special trips to see Mom. The timing was perfect as she was still able to enjoy your visits. Thank you for letting her know, one more time, how special she was to you. To Aunty Fern and Uncle Larry for years of caring, stopping in, helping unplug the toilet, driving to Edmonton for appointments, shopping both with and for Mom and for bringing the infamous Tim Horton’s. Without you, Fern, Mom would not have gotten her wish to be at home when she passed. Your LPN skills and knowledge of the medical options available allowed us to keep Mom home. Thank-you from the depths of our souls. We love you and are forever in your debt. One of my greatest lessons came from years of watching, hearing and finally listening to Mom. She was always put together, her hair was always done, her face on, and a fashionable, yet timeless outfit completed her look, but she never needed a lot to look great. I would watch her get up, brush her hair back, dab on a little Mary Kay, then on went her glasses, an outfit and off she went. She always looked good and she wanted that for her girls. Susan and Carol always took a little time to boost their naturally pretty looks, but she never could get through to me. In hindsight, it was laziness, and finally I have come to value her little asides as we were on our way out to an event. “Tara, just a little lipstick, or how about some eye shadow and a little blush?” She was right and I was wrong. Thanks, Mom, for quietly, patiently, and repeatedly reminding me that if you look good, you feel good. The little time it takes is worth it. The real lesson was not about the make-up. The real lesson was that with a little time, effort, and care, you make your world what you want it to be, and so make yourself happy. Be happy, Mom! We love you. Card of Thanks Thank you to everyone for joining us to celebrate mom’s life. To all who brought food, sent flowers and made donations on mom’s behalf; your thoughtfulness in this difficult time has been a great comfort. Thank you to Bill Musgrave and family for countless kindnesses; your generosity leaves us in awe. Donations in memory of Marion may be made to the Canadian Cancer Society or to the CNIB.